| | "I know what's true from the neck up, but somehow it doesn't make sense in my heart."I am still experiencing a turbulence of emotions and it pains me sometimes because I do not know how I should react to it. I mentioned a few posts ago, about how I felt betrayed by a close friend of mine, and till today, I have not chose how to deal with it. I remember this formula to forget from a Taiwanese drama: mian dui (to face) + jia shou (to accept) + ke fu (to overcome) + fang xia (let go) = wang zi (to forget)If only it was this easy.
I guess I haven't pass the stage of accepting, therefore I couldn't overcome and let go.
It is because she is someone important and close to me that I felt the impact of the betrayal, for if not, I would've been able to let go already.
“… I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering it things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.” --- The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini pg. 359 It is easy to forgive, but difficult to forget. Forgetting is the toughest thing to do. And I'm having a hard time with it.
If I choose to let go, I could do it. But I might end up nice. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't make myself to do this to her. Because it might hurt her as much as it is causing me to suffer right now.
Am I able to forget the bad, but remember the good? I guess I am able to hang on more to the happy times and bury off the sad ones. But that just means I am avoiding it, not dealing with it.
Sigh.
I don't know.
I've been holding on. A lot. To the words and pages of the Bible.It helps calms me most of the time, though.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds." --- James 1:2 "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." --- Romans 5:3-4
And of course, I do know He is faithful; as He will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear.
Let's just hope I am able to make the best out of things.
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| | Posted 7/19/2009 8:01 PM - 2 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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